Lately, I've been reading A New Earth: Awakening to your life's purpose by Eckhart Tolle, which speaks to the idea of raising one's awareness of one's ego in order to begin cultivating a stronger relationship to the present as well as one's true presence. This book, given to me as a graduation gift from a college professor, has been helpful to me in so many ways. In regards to interacting with a difficult supervisor and the anger that would frequently arise within me this summer, I find myself reflecting back on what I might have recently read in this book. For example, there's a section called "Allowing the diminishment of the ego" that has been the most helpful. In the section, Tolle says "one of the most common ego-repair mechanisms is anger, which causes a temporary but huge ego inflation." One way to allow for the diminishment of the ego is "when someone criticizes you, blames you, or calls you names, instead of immediately retaliating or defending yourself - do nothing. Allow the self-image to remain diminished and become alert to what that feels like deep inside you. For a few seconds, it may feel uncomfortable, as if you had shrunk in size. Then you may sense an inner spaciousness that feels intensely alive." Let's be real, I may not know what it feels to be "intensely alive," but the "do nothing" part is what I practice when my supervisor unreasonably scolds me or criticizes me on my work.
There are a few things about myself that I would like to improve; anger is one of them and the desire for recognition is another - both of which feed the ego. However, throughout these past 2-3 weeks, after experiencing on-going difficulties with a supervisor, cars getting towed left and right, a record-breaking rise and fall of a potential short-term fling with a guy, accomplishing tasks well at my internship but feeling under-appreciated, the philosophy of This, too, will pass in addition to a growing awareness of my own ego have kept me grounded in the present. I grapple with the sense that these are small, insignificant moments in my own life while half-way around the world, war is at Syria's doorstep. I'm not sure if this lens is helpful for issues of that kind of magnitude - from an individual on the outside looking in - I guess what I mean when I bring this up is that this this philosophy does have some drawbacks...It's something personal that an individual needs to realize his/herself, not something to be forced upon another.
Just to wrap such a long and (probably) confusing blog post up, I thought it would be helpful to share what Tolle wrote about "This, too, will pass" and I invite you all to share your thoughts or moments when or if this lens might have been helpful for you.
This, too, will pass. What is it about these simple words that makes them so powerful? Looking at it superficially, it would seem while those words may provide some comfort in a bad situation, they would also diminish the enjoyment of the good things in life. "Don't be too happy, because it won't last." This seems to be what they are saying when applied in a situation that is perceived as good.
Those words are not telling you that you should not enjoy the good in your life, nor are they merely meant to provide some comfort in times of suffering. They have a deeper purpose: to make you aware of the fleetingness of every situation, which is due to the transience of all forms - good or bad. When you become aware of the transience of all forms, your attachment to them lessens, and you disidentify from them to some extent. Being detached does not mean that you cannot enjoy the good that the world has to offer. In fact, you enjoy it more. Once you see and accept the transience of all things and the inevitability of change, you can enjoy the pleasures of the world while they last without fear of loss or anxiety about the future. When you are detached, you gain a higher vantage point from which to view the events in your life instead of being trapped inside them. You become like an astronaut who sees the planet earth surrounded by the vastness of space and realizes a paradoxical truth: The earth is precious and at the same time insignificant. The recognition that This, too, will pass brings detachment and with detachment another dimension comes into your life - inner space. Through detachment, as well as nonjudgment and inner nonresistance, you gain access to that dimension.
Victoria, I LOVED this post. I'm a huge fan of both of Tolle's books and appreciated reading some of your reflections on his teachings!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Victoria! I really appreciated your honesty and your thoughts. I especially resonated with, "Being detached does not mean that you cannot enjoy the good that the world has to offer. In fact, you enjoy it more. Once you see and accept the transience of all things and the inevitability of change, you can enjoy the pleasures of the world while they last without fear of loss or anxiety about the future. When you are detached, you gain a higher vantage point from which to view the events in your life instead of being trapped inside them." This is def something I have been working on for a while - still have a ways to go, and need to understand what it really looks like for me personally - but it's always helpful to hear someone else exploring the same topics! I am going to go check out that book, too!
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this post a lot, and I still have a lot of reflecting to do on this beautiful, short phrase before I would personally be able to use it on a frequent basis. In my reflection, though, I have begun to use a motto or mantra which may be a stepping stone to a better understanding of "this, too, shall pass..." The phrase I've been using is something along the lines of "That's how it is" or "That's the way things are." When I recognize that things are the way they are because they are, I'm less likely to be frustrated that the bicycle store was closed at 9:30 when I passed it this morning and then again at 7:30 when I passed it again this evening, I'm more likely to understand that the plans I make for the day are not actually set in stone as much as I would like them to be, I am less likely spin in mental circles wondering why things are the way they are, and I am more likely to realize that I do not have control over everything (or even much of anything). Another reason I'm comfortable with this phrase is because it puts into practice what the psychologist at Orientation who presented on the last couple days taught us about not using statements which connect a person to good or bad; the situation, not the people, are commented upon, and I think this is appropriate because situations are products of larger circumstances.Both "this, too, shall pass" and "that's the way it is" encompass a certain peaceful, spiritual contentment--not apathy, though, as action for justice, for example, can still be made even when we recognize we do not control everything (or, again, much of anything)--with the way things are.
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